Why does it have to be so frustrating, navigating this path? Why must there be so many complications, obscurities, so many unknown pieces of a picture your struggling to grasp.
Why do people approach the idea of gaining someone else's affections, as a battle? Why am I constantly told of tactics, or "plays", of how to gain the upper hand or lay down the rules? Why does it become some kind of silly conquest game?
Why am I different then, in wanting none of this?
I just want a relationship; an equal pairing of two like-minded people. I just want to state my intentions, my feelings, and get a response. This makes me naive, or simple, or foolish? I dont want to hear any more voices saying no, nay, I dont think so, I'm not sure of -- from within, as well as without. I want simplicity. Matters of the heart rarely involve that.
Hakunamatata; It means no worries. Well and truly my most desired mindset and yet it seems destined to elude me. I care, too much perhaps, for small things often become larger in your mind, if you over-think things. I desire, to be near you as soon as possible - an urge it seems, that wont bear any obstacles; makes for impulsive, perhaps rash, decisions. I love, and so seem destined to be hurt, at some stage, in some manner no matter how small -- its a shocking thing to realise words can actually cut or warm so much, even on a screen, on a page, a mouth.
Always, dialogue is discouraged. Don't talk too much, don't say the wrong thing, don't tell them that, tell them this, don't let them see how you truly feel - be aloof, be distant, be warm then, hot then ---just stop. I'm not a machine. This isn't a construction, a project. I'm not an actor, so I can't become anything I want to, or project any emotion I see fit.
I am me, and this is how it is.
I care.
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5 comments:
Ahhh see the problem is...when you try to start a relationship with someone who is a player, a trickster, a tease. Then it becomes all about the way you act as opposed to the reality of you as a person.
I honestly hope you find someone who is as relaxed and easy going as you babe. There are plenty of them out there! You shouldn't have to play games...it sucks.
Although...the advice I gave you still stands babe.
luvs nix
*gives standing ovation*
Be yourself and refuse to join in the game playing. Who wants to be in a relationship predicated on having "tricked" the other party into something? What a ghastly idea!
Sometimes you don't even know you're being tricked. Many times the 'trickster' isn't doing it deliberately either.
It's very complicated!
I think I'm old enough to be your Mother aren't I?
I still haven't quite the right advice....
Be careful, but not too careful
Be yourself, but remain a little aloof
But at the end of the day, you just have to be you....and she just has to be herself too.
And if you love each other you will be happy to give the effort required to make a relationship work.
They never just work all by themselves.
A bit like technology really. Great when it's working, and when it really buggers up, it seems like no-one knows how to fix it. Replacement is usually the cheapest option ;)
Hahaha, thats so true, about the technology reference. Kinda sad, too. All three of you lovely ladies are actually old enough to be my mum (not that y'all look it) :P
I appreciate the comments, thanks!
Jiggy! Where are you? How was your ghost hunt? What's happening?
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